Make raising kids an enjoyable job. Effective parenting does not mean you have to have all the answers. Focus on spending quality time with your kids -enjoy outdoors, participate in make-believe play with them. Rather than trying to address everything all at once, recognize your strengths and work on improving your weaknesses.
Set realistic expectations of yourself as a human being. Admit it when you’re burned out. Take time out from parenting to do things that will make you happy as a person (or as a couple)
You don’t necessarily model yourself as selfish by focussing on your needs. It simply means you care about your own well-being, which is another important value to model for your children.